Thursday, November 05, 2009
Fantasy Fest 2009
Fantasy Fest
Key West 2009
The Tiki Bar is now open.
What exactly is Fantasy Fest? To answer that question, please sit down relax and take a ride with me.
It started about 2 weeks ago when I was asked the question about going. Fantasy Fest? Yes, I definitely want to go. My buddy Sean tells me he and his wife are going and I should go as well. Sean tells me we would be leaving on Saturday morning and going on a bus and coming back the same night. Well needless to say “I am in”. You know four years ago I was suppose to go to Fantasy Fest on a bus but it was cancelled because of Hurricane Wilma. You know we have not had any storms this year. But don’t let your guard down people; we still have a whole month to go.
So here is the deal, Sean, Tim and I am going. Tim and I get dropped off at the Sheridan Tri-rail train station in Hollywood. I have a cooler and lots of accessories. You know I am going to be on a bus with 50 other people. Let’s talk about this. I brought beer….duh…. Napkins, Tums, individual Kleenex packages and PH pads. If one is going to cocktail and eat all day, you most have all the proper items. It is just an extension of who we are. That is why I have shorts with 6 pockets. Women carry purses; Men who have bodily fluid problems have lots of pockets to carry their stuff.
So the stage is set, there are 100 people in the parking lot ready to board the buses. We are on bus number one. Meaning we will be blazing down the Florida Turnpike leading the way to our destination. Everybody seems to be in slow motion. I kept thinking to myself, let’s move people, your slowness is cutting into my cocktailing time. You know when you are boarding on a plane and you are sitting in your seat and you are watching all the people walk slowly past you; they don’t seem to be in a hurry. You just smile and all along you are thinking “what a jackass” just find a place to put your dam bag and sit in your seat. What the hell do you have to pack so much shit in that bag? Ok enough of that…
The website said we are leaving at 12 PM sharp. You know how that goes. We did not leave that parking lot until 12:30. By this time we had already put down 3 beers. I knew it was going to be a good day. Pulling out of the parking lot and getting out on the highway, you could feel the excitement building. There are lots of “yeah’s and clapping”. Our host gets on the microphone and said we need to go over the rules. Rules? What kind of rules do you have on a bus? No drugs or weapons. Ok I can deal with that. The other rule was “no negativity”. If you do; you will be asked to get off the bus. I like this rule. No negative waves. Then I thought to myself, all these little rules but it is ok for us to have massive amounts of alcohol on this bus. Thank goodness for our bus driver.
The bus is cruising down the highway and the music is starting to kick. It certainly starts to get you in the mood. People are starting to talk. The only people I know are Sean and Tim. But as time goes on we are getting to know the people in front of us. Monique and Carlos. She lives in Miami Beach and he lives in Philadelphia. He was just down here visiting her. It was a little more than that because they were kissing every five minutes or so. Turns out they are second cousins once removed or something. I was not sure how to talk about that. So Tim decided to chime in and if you have every met Tim, he will not hold back and will get to the bottom of the issue. He just came to conclusion that they should live in West Virginia in a double wide. It really doesn’t matter when it comes to love; or does it?
Monique and Tim got a long really well. Carlos and I had plenty to talk about since he was a firefighter. What do you say “Ronnie O”. For those of you do not know, my buddy Ronnie O is a firefighter in Cincinnati. The music is still kicking and this lady starts to dance in the isle way of the bus. She is dressed as a GO GO girl. She had the body for it and CFM boots on. Her boyfriend encouraged her to do it; so she did. What a great country we live in. Within 1 hour she was passed out. She slept a good portion of the ride.
We are entering Florida City, that last city before you hit the Keys. We pull into a super Wal-Mart so we are can use the bathroom. You should have seen the look on the lady’s face when 100 people walk in. She was saying “Welcome to Wal-Mart”, Welcome to Wal-Mart, Welcome to Wal-Mart. She was like “what the hell is going on”. We all hit the can and I decided we needed to buy some more beer. Imagine that? After picking up another 12 pack of Budweiser, I was walking passed an aisle and there it was on the corner. Hostess products; There were my HOHO’s . I picked up a box and was walking proudly towards the checkout lane. There were a few people who gave me a double take. Beer and HOHO’s; what a hell of a combination. I am sure the employees on Wal-Mart were glad to see us go.
Back on the bus…Yeah. We really stopped at Wal-Mart so the bathroom on the bus did not get nasty. Driving down in the Keys is beautiful especial when you don’t have to drive and you are on a bus and you can see everything. It’s not like being in a car. Our director lady, as she will be called from now on, gets on the microphone and says we are going to play games. She passes out pens and paper for everyone. She asks 30 questions and I have to tell you, these were difficult. The questions were pretty much sexual related. At the end of the game, the most anyone got right was 16. There was one question which asked what type of doctor who specializes in armpits? My goodness? There is a doctor who specializes in that? Many of you know how and what I feel about armpits. They come in quite handy. You know I can’t for the life of me remembered the name of the doctor. I wonder if I should go back to school and get my doctor degree. Doctor Humph has a nice little ring to it. Don’t you think? You know I could not even find something online about what is the name of a doctor who specializes in armpits? If anybody knows the name of it, please let me know.
We are getting very close to Islamorada. I am asking everyone around me if they know about the big conch right before you pull into Holiday Isle. Everybody looks at me like I am out of my mind. I told them to get their cameras ready because it is the largest conch they will ever see. Some of the girls were looking at me a little funny, but when we came up to it, they finally realized it was the largest conch shell they have seen. The shell looks like something I’ve seen before we pull into Holiday Isle and everyone went to the bathroom at the gas station, but a there were a small group of us who went back by the Tiki bar so we did not have to wait in line. We are walking right up there and guess who I see? It was Anna; she is my bartender at the Tiki Bar in Holiday Isle. She came over and talked to Tim and me. She is a lot of fun and was heading to Fantasy Fest after work. Small world… We are waiting for the rest of the people to get back on the bus. So I decided to do a video while we were waiting. See my FB page. A few of the girls changed into their costumes, but many did not. That would occur on the bus….
We back on the road and I am getting hungry. So what do I do? I get my box of HoHo’s. I open my box of HoHo’s and I am completely floored what I am looking at. I said to the people around me, “what do you see in this box of HoHo’s”? No one could come with anything. I told them there are only nine HoHo’s in my box, which I do believe is clearly marked, “10 HoHo’s “. I started looking at people, thinking someone broke into my box of HoHo’s and took one. I was pretty close to making everyone smile at me so I could see if there was any chocolate on their teeth. It was time to let this one go. Not quite yet. This is what I wrote to the Hostess Company.
Dear Mr. HoHo Man,
My name is Steven Humphrey and I live in Hollywood, Florida. I am a big fan of HoHo's. I have been all my life. You should have seen the look on my face when I opened the box of HoHo's last Saturday. There were only 9 in the box. I asked my buddy to count the number of HoHo's in the box. Conclusion; nine. I pondered the idea of how could there be only 9 HoHo's in a box of 10 HoHo's. I think someone on the assembly line who watches HoHo's fly past them all day just could not take it anymore and took my HoHo.
I am an advocate of HoHo's. In fact, I am eating a HoHo right now. My buddy Rick in Cincinnati loves HoHo's. He is probably eating a HoHo as we speak. My Friend Julie in Miami Florida loves yodels. Why I don’t know? I tell her all the time she is crazy and she needs to get her life together and get back in the real world.
Bottom line, I love HoHo's and I miss my HoHo. Can you please help me find it?
Thanks for your time.
Steven Loving HoHo's Humphrey
Back to the bus, our director gets on the loud speaker and asks for a few volunteers. She pulls out a large dildo and said we are having a contest on who can put a condom on this dildo the fastest. There were a few guys who jumped up thinking they could win this contest. These guys must have weighed 250 pounds. They were cocky. You could just tell. But then this little lady about 5’ 2” and who weighs a buck five volunteers as well. The guys get up there and do their thing; they put it on in about 8 seconds. Then the little lady gets up grabs the condom with her teeth, rips open the package and puts the condom on in 7 seconds. The bus went crazy and the guys had the long walk to the back of the bus.
People are walking back toward the bathrooms to change and there is now a line. Most of the girls really didn’t give a shit and just changed right in their seat. Most of them had sheets around them. One minute they have shorts and a t-shirt next thing you know they come out looking like a lady bug. Holy Cow…. It really is amazing you can watch the transformation of people when they put on their costumes. Don’t forget they are getting liquored up. What do I always say? “When they girls get liquored up, we can all have fun”. I just thought of this; we are not even in Key West yet. Maybe we should rent out some buses more often and tell people we are going places. Interesting; don’t you think?
Ok, so the director gets back on the microphone and she says we need 3 volunteers. She said this is usually a woman’s game to play but there may be some guys who may want to try this out. The director pulls out three bananas. If I saw them correctly, they looked like Chiquita bananas. I don’t think the director knows how to properly pick out bananas; they still had a green tint to them. Anyway, these volunteers were going to show the bus how to give a proper blowjob to the members of the bus. No one seemed like they wanted to come to the front of the bus. People were nagging some of the girls to go up. Finally, we had three ladies made it to the front of the bus. One of the girls seemed really anxious to get up there. We all thought she was going to do something special, but I later found out she was a bit deficient in her potassium. That’s why she ate the whole thing. I forgot about how much potassium one could get from Chiquita bananas. Anyway, the lady bug girl really showed her stuff. She was moving with that banana like there was no tomorrow. If we had a stripper pole on the bus, I think she would have been right at home. Anyway she won the contest and the bus cheered her on for her incredible display of pure enjoyment with a Chiquita Banana.
The view looking outside of the bus was just spectacular. The turquoise water was so inviting. I had to keep telling myself, the water on Hollywood Beach is beautiful so don’t get any ideas of moving to the Keys. We are now coming into Key West….
Key West is a lazy town during the day under normal circumstances. However, when the sun goes down over Mallory Square; well you know; all your inhibitions are left in your hometown. Jimmy Buffett was correct; “Change your Latitude, Change your Attitude”. I wonder why that is? Is it because we don’t live there and we don’t care because we don’t know anyone? Or is it just the excitement of being in another town and just kicking it up? Or maybe it’s the carefree life we get to live for a few days. Hell I think it’s just the booze.
I’m really not sure where the bus is going to drop us off. I just hope it is somewhere close. We are driving around and I see roosters. Tim starts chanting that he is a chicken hawk. Remember that cartoon? If not, just turn on the Cartoon Network. I wonder why there are some many roosters running around? Where are all the chickens?
The bus comes to a stop, I had Sean call my cell phone and tell me what the intersecting streets are just in case I lost everyone. So our director gets on the microphone and gives us instructions. The bus will leave at 2am. Please remember the time changed that night so really it would have been 3am. Everyone cheered. I think about it now and I wished we would have left an hour earlier. But when the bus has been drinking all day you want the most cocktailing time you can get. For God’s sake, we are in Key West people; pick it up. Everybody is now starting to exit the bus. We are on a main drag and 100 people get off two buses. Don’t forget we have costumes on. I can only imagine if I lived there and looking out my window and seeing everyone come off the bus. I know I would yell at everyone to get off my grass. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t live there. We are on the sidewalks and everybody is just looking at each other like “what should we do?” Duh? Let’s all go across the street and take a picture of this crazy group of people. It was pretty funny to watch 100 people cross the road and block traffic just for a photo. Oh well you had to be there. Off to the party we go.
Walking the down the streets are starting to get a bit crowed. We come up to a street corner and see the barricades so we are close. We are at the corner and holy cow there is a bar. In fact if I remember correctly, it is the Green Parrot. This seemed to be our home port for a while. The parade was going to start soon. Let’s get a beer; I love places where you walk up to a window and order some Budweiser’s and a few shots of of Yagger. It’s kind of like ordering ice cream. You know what I am talking about?
Hold Cow…..Body Paint….Holy Shit ….There is body paint everywhere. It’s hard not to keep looking when you are not use to it…Hell what am I saying? I live in South Florida. I have to admit there were some really good paint jobs. You may have a hard time believing this, but there were times where you really could not tell if she had a shirt on or it was just paint. That’s where Tim came into play. If he was not sure, He went right up there and figured it out. Most of these girls were more than happy to talk to him about the paint. Or was it the boobs?
There were a group of 6 women from Baltimore. You are probably saying to yourself, “How did you know that?” Great question; First of all they had no shirts on. They had their chests painted with the Baltimore Ravens logo. I did a “B” line for these women and I have to tell I was quite impressed. These ladies ranged from 30 to 60 years old. The grandma in the group had a white bra on. Quite an interesting look don’t you think? The younger one was proud to show her stuff. It was the women around 40 who seemed to be a bit shy. But as the night went on and their husbands got them all liquored up, they just didn’t give a shit anymore. What a great country. Their husbands were good about all the craziness. I told them I was a Bengals fan and I was proud to wear my orange socks. The socks just happened to go with my costume. I was able to get my picture taken with the ladies. It’s on FB if you want to see it.
Tim Seemed to draw in quite the crowd or maybe he just like to talk to everyone. Sean was just sitting back taking it all in. I on the other hand; was in charge of pictures and video and boy did I get some good stuff. I could take some of the video back and use it as soft porn. Fish nets were in this year for some reasons. Women used on the top and the bottom. I like the look on the legs. For all you ladies out there, the guys had just things hanging in front of their junk. They looked like a tassels. Like the kind on top of your graduation hat. Basically it’s just a lot of half naked people around.
We did go into a drag show; these girls, I mean these guys, looked pretty good until you saw a three inch Adams Apple. Boy could they sing. What a variety of people in there. Gays, Lesbians and all of their token straights. People were throwing money at these performers. I don’t think there was any kind of recession going on.
My feet are killing me. It must be about 1am. Great! We get to do a whole another hour over again. I was ready for this madness to end. I have seen lots of nudity to last me until next weekend. We all walked up to Mallory Square and were Chilin down by the water. We hung out there for about an hour. There is something about the sound of the waves crashing on the side which wants to put me to sleep. Everybody is winding down quick. We have been hitting it for about 14 hours straight and I don’t think I can drink another Budweiser. My belly is so full I can play a tune on it. The Fat men would be proud of me. It’s time to get on the bus. Thank God.
There is a total transformation going on the bus right now. People are taking off their costumes and getting back into their relaxin clothes. I am pissed I didn’t bring my relaxin shorts with me. Oh, I forgot, they don’t go outside. The people who were talking the whole day were not saying a word. They just went to sleep. There are just a few guys in the back still talking. Then it happens; we are one guy short. The bus is not leaving; we call the guy on his cell. He is about a mile away. Our director tells him he has 15 minutes to get here or we are leaving. The guy made it. He was hammered and sweating like a pig. It was still 80 degrees outside. I remember waking up to the sounds of drunk people snoring. I kicked the guy’s seat next to me so he would shut the hell up. I can’t fall back to sleep. I watched the Transformers on the video screen.
It’s about 6am and we are close to getting back into Hollywood. I was staring out the window and looking at a beautiful sunrise. The sky was still blue with an orange tint to it. It made me feel better for I would be soon seeing the back of my eyelids.
That is all….
Key West 2009
The Tiki Bar is now open.
What exactly is Fantasy Fest? To answer that question, please sit down relax and take a ride with me.
It started about 2 weeks ago when I was asked the question about going. Fantasy Fest? Yes, I definitely want to go. My buddy Sean tells me he and his wife are going and I should go as well. Sean tells me we would be leaving on Saturday morning and going on a bus and coming back the same night. Well needless to say “I am in”. You know four years ago I was suppose to go to Fantasy Fest on a bus but it was cancelled because of Hurricane Wilma. You know we have not had any storms this year. But don’t let your guard down people; we still have a whole month to go.
So here is the deal, Sean, Tim and I am going. Tim and I get dropped off at the Sheridan Tri-rail train station in Hollywood. I have a cooler and lots of accessories. You know I am going to be on a bus with 50 other people. Let’s talk about this. I brought beer….duh…. Napkins, Tums, individual Kleenex packages and PH pads. If one is going to cocktail and eat all day, you most have all the proper items. It is just an extension of who we are. That is why I have shorts with 6 pockets. Women carry purses; Men who have bodily fluid problems have lots of pockets to carry their stuff.
So the stage is set, there are 100 people in the parking lot ready to board the buses. We are on bus number one. Meaning we will be blazing down the Florida Turnpike leading the way to our destination. Everybody seems to be in slow motion. I kept thinking to myself, let’s move people, your slowness is cutting into my cocktailing time. You know when you are boarding on a plane and you are sitting in your seat and you are watching all the people walk slowly past you; they don’t seem to be in a hurry. You just smile and all along you are thinking “what a jackass” just find a place to put your dam bag and sit in your seat. What the hell do you have to pack so much shit in that bag? Ok enough of that…
The website said we are leaving at 12 PM sharp. You know how that goes. We did not leave that parking lot until 12:30. By this time we had already put down 3 beers. I knew it was going to be a good day. Pulling out of the parking lot and getting out on the highway, you could feel the excitement building. There are lots of “yeah’s and clapping”. Our host gets on the microphone and said we need to go over the rules. Rules? What kind of rules do you have on a bus? No drugs or weapons. Ok I can deal with that. The other rule was “no negativity”. If you do; you will be asked to get off the bus. I like this rule. No negative waves. Then I thought to myself, all these little rules but it is ok for us to have massive amounts of alcohol on this bus. Thank goodness for our bus driver.
The bus is cruising down the highway and the music is starting to kick. It certainly starts to get you in the mood. People are starting to talk. The only people I know are Sean and Tim. But as time goes on we are getting to know the people in front of us. Monique and Carlos. She lives in Miami Beach and he lives in Philadelphia. He was just down here visiting her. It was a little more than that because they were kissing every five minutes or so. Turns out they are second cousins once removed or something. I was not sure how to talk about that. So Tim decided to chime in and if you have every met Tim, he will not hold back and will get to the bottom of the issue. He just came to conclusion that they should live in West Virginia in a double wide. It really doesn’t matter when it comes to love; or does it?
Monique and Tim got a long really well. Carlos and I had plenty to talk about since he was a firefighter. What do you say “Ronnie O”. For those of you do not know, my buddy Ronnie O is a firefighter in Cincinnati. The music is still kicking and this lady starts to dance in the isle way of the bus. She is dressed as a GO GO girl. She had the body for it and CFM boots on. Her boyfriend encouraged her to do it; so she did. What a great country we live in. Within 1 hour she was passed out. She slept a good portion of the ride.
We are entering Florida City, that last city before you hit the Keys. We pull into a super Wal-Mart so we are can use the bathroom. You should have seen the look on the lady’s face when 100 people walk in. She was saying “Welcome to Wal-Mart”, Welcome to Wal-Mart, Welcome to Wal-Mart. She was like “what the hell is going on”. We all hit the can and I decided we needed to buy some more beer. Imagine that? After picking up another 12 pack of Budweiser, I was walking passed an aisle and there it was on the corner. Hostess products; There were my HOHO’s . I picked up a box and was walking proudly towards the checkout lane. There were a few people who gave me a double take. Beer and HOHO’s; what a hell of a combination. I am sure the employees on Wal-Mart were glad to see us go.
Back on the bus…Yeah. We really stopped at Wal-Mart so the bathroom on the bus did not get nasty. Driving down in the Keys is beautiful especial when you don’t have to drive and you are on a bus and you can see everything. It’s not like being in a car. Our director lady, as she will be called from now on, gets on the microphone and says we are going to play games. She passes out pens and paper for everyone. She asks 30 questions and I have to tell you, these were difficult. The questions were pretty much sexual related. At the end of the game, the most anyone got right was 16. There was one question which asked what type of doctor who specializes in armpits? My goodness? There is a doctor who specializes in that? Many of you know how and what I feel about armpits. They come in quite handy. You know I can’t for the life of me remembered the name of the doctor. I wonder if I should go back to school and get my doctor degree. Doctor Humph has a nice little ring to it. Don’t you think? You know I could not even find something online about what is the name of a doctor who specializes in armpits? If anybody knows the name of it, please let me know.
We are getting very close to Islamorada. I am asking everyone around me if they know about the big conch right before you pull into Holiday Isle. Everybody looks at me like I am out of my mind. I told them to get their cameras ready because it is the largest conch they will ever see. Some of the girls were looking at me a little funny, but when we came up to it, they finally realized it was the largest conch shell they have seen. The shell looks like something I’ve seen before we pull into Holiday Isle and everyone went to the bathroom at the gas station, but a there were a small group of us who went back by the Tiki bar so we did not have to wait in line. We are walking right up there and guess who I see? It was Anna; she is my bartender at the Tiki Bar in Holiday Isle. She came over and talked to Tim and me. She is a lot of fun and was heading to Fantasy Fest after work. Small world… We are waiting for the rest of the people to get back on the bus. So I decided to do a video while we were waiting. See my FB page. A few of the girls changed into their costumes, but many did not. That would occur on the bus….
We back on the road and I am getting hungry. So what do I do? I get my box of HoHo’s. I open my box of HoHo’s and I am completely floored what I am looking at. I said to the people around me, “what do you see in this box of HoHo’s”? No one could come with anything. I told them there are only nine HoHo’s in my box, which I do believe is clearly marked, “10 HoHo’s “. I started looking at people, thinking someone broke into my box of HoHo’s and took one. I was pretty close to making everyone smile at me so I could see if there was any chocolate on their teeth. It was time to let this one go. Not quite yet. This is what I wrote to the Hostess Company.
Dear Mr. HoHo Man,
My name is Steven Humphrey and I live in Hollywood, Florida. I am a big fan of HoHo's. I have been all my life. You should have seen the look on my face when I opened the box of HoHo's last Saturday. There were only 9 in the box. I asked my buddy to count the number of HoHo's in the box. Conclusion; nine. I pondered the idea of how could there be only 9 HoHo's in a box of 10 HoHo's. I think someone on the assembly line who watches HoHo's fly past them all day just could not take it anymore and took my HoHo.
I am an advocate of HoHo's. In fact, I am eating a HoHo right now. My buddy Rick in Cincinnati loves HoHo's. He is probably eating a HoHo as we speak. My Friend Julie in Miami Florida loves yodels. Why I don’t know? I tell her all the time she is crazy and she needs to get her life together and get back in the real world.
Bottom line, I love HoHo's and I miss my HoHo. Can you please help me find it?
Thanks for your time.
Steven Loving HoHo's Humphrey
Back to the bus, our director gets on the loud speaker and asks for a few volunteers. She pulls out a large dildo and said we are having a contest on who can put a condom on this dildo the fastest. There were a few guys who jumped up thinking they could win this contest. These guys must have weighed 250 pounds. They were cocky. You could just tell. But then this little lady about 5’ 2” and who weighs a buck five volunteers as well. The guys get up there and do their thing; they put it on in about 8 seconds. Then the little lady gets up grabs the condom with her teeth, rips open the package and puts the condom on in 7 seconds. The bus went crazy and the guys had the long walk to the back of the bus.
People are walking back toward the bathrooms to change and there is now a line. Most of the girls really didn’t give a shit and just changed right in their seat. Most of them had sheets around them. One minute they have shorts and a t-shirt next thing you know they come out looking like a lady bug. Holy Cow…. It really is amazing you can watch the transformation of people when they put on their costumes. Don’t forget they are getting liquored up. What do I always say? “When they girls get liquored up, we can all have fun”. I just thought of this; we are not even in Key West yet. Maybe we should rent out some buses more often and tell people we are going places. Interesting; don’t you think?
Ok, so the director gets back on the microphone and she says we need 3 volunteers. She said this is usually a woman’s game to play but there may be some guys who may want to try this out. The director pulls out three bananas. If I saw them correctly, they looked like Chiquita bananas. I don’t think the director knows how to properly pick out bananas; they still had a green tint to them. Anyway, these volunteers were going to show the bus how to give a proper blowjob to the members of the bus. No one seemed like they wanted to come to the front of the bus. People were nagging some of the girls to go up. Finally, we had three ladies made it to the front of the bus. One of the girls seemed really anxious to get up there. We all thought she was going to do something special, but I later found out she was a bit deficient in her potassium. That’s why she ate the whole thing. I forgot about how much potassium one could get from Chiquita bananas. Anyway, the lady bug girl really showed her stuff. She was moving with that banana like there was no tomorrow. If we had a stripper pole on the bus, I think she would have been right at home. Anyway she won the contest and the bus cheered her on for her incredible display of pure enjoyment with a Chiquita Banana.
The view looking outside of the bus was just spectacular. The turquoise water was so inviting. I had to keep telling myself, the water on Hollywood Beach is beautiful so don’t get any ideas of moving to the Keys. We are now coming into Key West….
Key West is a lazy town during the day under normal circumstances. However, when the sun goes down over Mallory Square; well you know; all your inhibitions are left in your hometown. Jimmy Buffett was correct; “Change your Latitude, Change your Attitude”. I wonder why that is? Is it because we don’t live there and we don’t care because we don’t know anyone? Or is it just the excitement of being in another town and just kicking it up? Or maybe it’s the carefree life we get to live for a few days. Hell I think it’s just the booze.
I’m really not sure where the bus is going to drop us off. I just hope it is somewhere close. We are driving around and I see roosters. Tim starts chanting that he is a chicken hawk. Remember that cartoon? If not, just turn on the Cartoon Network. I wonder why there are some many roosters running around? Where are all the chickens?
The bus comes to a stop, I had Sean call my cell phone and tell me what the intersecting streets are just in case I lost everyone. So our director gets on the microphone and gives us instructions. The bus will leave at 2am. Please remember the time changed that night so really it would have been 3am. Everyone cheered. I think about it now and I wished we would have left an hour earlier. But when the bus has been drinking all day you want the most cocktailing time you can get. For God’s sake, we are in Key West people; pick it up. Everybody is now starting to exit the bus. We are on a main drag and 100 people get off two buses. Don’t forget we have costumes on. I can only imagine if I lived there and looking out my window and seeing everyone come off the bus. I know I would yell at everyone to get off my grass. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t live there. We are on the sidewalks and everybody is just looking at each other like “what should we do?” Duh? Let’s all go across the street and take a picture of this crazy group of people. It was pretty funny to watch 100 people cross the road and block traffic just for a photo. Oh well you had to be there. Off to the party we go.
Walking the down the streets are starting to get a bit crowed. We come up to a street corner and see the barricades so we are close. We are at the corner and holy cow there is a bar. In fact if I remember correctly, it is the Green Parrot. This seemed to be our home port for a while. The parade was going to start soon. Let’s get a beer; I love places where you walk up to a window and order some Budweiser’s and a few shots of of Yagger. It’s kind of like ordering ice cream. You know what I am talking about?
Hold Cow…..Body Paint….Holy Shit ….There is body paint everywhere. It’s hard not to keep looking when you are not use to it…Hell what am I saying? I live in South Florida. I have to admit there were some really good paint jobs. You may have a hard time believing this, but there were times where you really could not tell if she had a shirt on or it was just paint. That’s where Tim came into play. If he was not sure, He went right up there and figured it out. Most of these girls were more than happy to talk to him about the paint. Or was it the boobs?
There were a group of 6 women from Baltimore. You are probably saying to yourself, “How did you know that?” Great question; First of all they had no shirts on. They had their chests painted with the Baltimore Ravens logo. I did a “B” line for these women and I have to tell I was quite impressed. These ladies ranged from 30 to 60 years old. The grandma in the group had a white bra on. Quite an interesting look don’t you think? The younger one was proud to show her stuff. It was the women around 40 who seemed to be a bit shy. But as the night went on and their husbands got them all liquored up, they just didn’t give a shit anymore. What a great country. Their husbands were good about all the craziness. I told them I was a Bengals fan and I was proud to wear my orange socks. The socks just happened to go with my costume. I was able to get my picture taken with the ladies. It’s on FB if you want to see it.
Tim Seemed to draw in quite the crowd or maybe he just like to talk to everyone. Sean was just sitting back taking it all in. I on the other hand; was in charge of pictures and video and boy did I get some good stuff. I could take some of the video back and use it as soft porn. Fish nets were in this year for some reasons. Women used on the top and the bottom. I like the look on the legs. For all you ladies out there, the guys had just things hanging in front of their junk. They looked like a tassels. Like the kind on top of your graduation hat. Basically it’s just a lot of half naked people around.
We did go into a drag show; these girls, I mean these guys, looked pretty good until you saw a three inch Adams Apple. Boy could they sing. What a variety of people in there. Gays, Lesbians and all of their token straights. People were throwing money at these performers. I don’t think there was any kind of recession going on.
My feet are killing me. It must be about 1am. Great! We get to do a whole another hour over again. I was ready for this madness to end. I have seen lots of nudity to last me until next weekend. We all walked up to Mallory Square and were Chilin down by the water. We hung out there for about an hour. There is something about the sound of the waves crashing on the side which wants to put me to sleep. Everybody is winding down quick. We have been hitting it for about 14 hours straight and I don’t think I can drink another Budweiser. My belly is so full I can play a tune on it. The Fat men would be proud of me. It’s time to get on the bus. Thank God.
There is a total transformation going on the bus right now. People are taking off their costumes and getting back into their relaxin clothes. I am pissed I didn’t bring my relaxin shorts with me. Oh, I forgot, they don’t go outside. The people who were talking the whole day were not saying a word. They just went to sleep. There are just a few guys in the back still talking. Then it happens; we are one guy short. The bus is not leaving; we call the guy on his cell. He is about a mile away. Our director tells him he has 15 minutes to get here or we are leaving. The guy made it. He was hammered and sweating like a pig. It was still 80 degrees outside. I remember waking up to the sounds of drunk people snoring. I kicked the guy’s seat next to me so he would shut the hell up. I can’t fall back to sleep. I watched the Transformers on the video screen.
It’s about 6am and we are close to getting back into Hollywood. I was staring out the window and looking at a beautiful sunrise. The sky was still blue with an orange tint to it. It made me feel better for I would be soon seeing the back of my eyelids.
That is all….
